Day 1: Ash Wednesday

Well, it's been a while since I've actually participated in Lent. This has been a particularly brutal winter. My yard looks like Appalachia. Not that I've ever been to Appalachia. It's how I imagine Appalachia would look: odd tools left in the yard, large chunks of roof tiles strewn about the property, broken down sporting goods at the end of the drive, and a mailbox on a post that stuck in a large hardware bucket full of sand. The house itself still looks goods, but it appears that some hard living has taken place around it.

As it happens, this is a fairly accurate description of how my heart feels these days. So I figure Lent is a great time for some spiritual discipline with an eye towards spring cleaning. I will write every day for the next 4o days. I have no idea what I will write. I have no idea how long each entry will be. I don't really care. I'm just going to sit at the keyboard and see what comes up.

This should be interesting...

So yesterday I go out to throw out the chicken that's been stinking up the refrigerator all weekend, and I notice that my back tire is completely flat. I call AAA, cancel my first morning client, and pray I can get this taken care to make it to the studio in time for the rest of my morning clients. The AAA guy comes, puts on the spare (which I really should learn how to do by myself), brings in the paperwork for me to sign, and I'm on my way. I run out to my car to find that my sunroof has completely shattered. WTF!!!!

Now, as I stared at my car, not quite comprehending what I was seeing, I began running down all the ways I could be responsible for this:

• Did I not believe in myself enough over the weekend?
• Is this a sign that I've done the right thing by letting the studio go?
• Why can't I stay ahead of my money situation so I don't have to feel completely stressed out when I can't work?
• Will my clients get tired of me?

But then I started thinking. What if this isn't an indication of anything at all except the fact that I had a slow leak in my tire and that's it was just really freaking cold out. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I think I'll try that for a change.