Day 10: Moonstruck

I've been thinking a lot about the moon lately. Which is interesting because tomorrow's moon is going to be a rare Supermoon. This means that this full moon coincides with its closest passage to the earth. I read that's actually the closest it has been to the earth in 18 years.

Years ago, Fred and I driving on 495 and there was an absolutely beautiful Harvest Moon. It was that gorgeous shade of orange only seen in the Fall. The light from the sun showed all the details of the man of the moon.

I felt a lot like that moon that night. I was a new wife and a young mom. I spent a lot of time in those days trying to be the "ideal" wife and "good" mother. I relied on outside influences to figure out what that should look like. I looked for so much outside approval and validation that I lost my sense of self. I spent so much time reflecting other's light that I forgot how to shine by my own power.

But lately, I've been thinking that I got it wrong about the moon. The fact that she shines is a bonus. If she didn't reflect the sun's light, it would not diminish her true power and influence in the slightest. And this doesn't take into account her impact on culture, mythology, religion, or art. It's like that saying: If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it make a sound, does it exist? I used to be unsure of the answer. Now I believe it to be yes. I know that there trees in my backyard that I see everyday. And I know that there are trees in the Rainforest that I may never see. Yet, their loss impacts me. And I am not naive (or narcissistic) enough to believe that I must be present at the falling of every tree in order for it to have had meaning.

I used to see my self value through what I could do or be for the people around me, or what was "the right thing" to do, or what I thought was expected of me. I mistook my purpose to be as a reflector. I now know with increased certainty, that if what I do makes other people happy, it is a bonus, but it is NOT my true light and power. Right now, I am in the process of finding words for what lies within me. It is a much different experience from doing and achieving. Oftentimes it's extremely uncomfortable. But I am intent on staying with it. So as Sister Moon passes by tomorrow, I hope she comes close enough to whisper a word of wisdom or two into my ear. I'm definitely listening.

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