Jonah, the Registered Dietitian, was so nice and we spent the first 15 minutes or so talking about my health goals, how I'm currently feeling, and how this detox program would work. He took my heart and weight, and then he hooked me up to this EKG- type machine to take my "baseline" stats. The test took all of 5 seconds and he printed out the results to review them together.
My info was printed on what looked like a grocery receipt. The weight number was higher than I would have liked, but I haven't been to Weight Watchers in at least 3 weeks. Besides, I'd lost almost 10 pounds over the fall and winter, so it could have been worse. (Don't you dare judge me, Jonah! Don't you dare!) He made a cursory reference to my Body Mass Index (BMI) number and went into a lengthy explanation of my inter/intra cell water exchange number. If put a gun to my head right now, I could
Not
recall a word of what he said. I was back at my BMI number.
- And so that's why the cell water exchange is the most important number to determine a person's true health. Any questions?
- Well, um, no...But could we go back to my BMI?
I just know I'd disappointed Jonah. He and I had agreed early on that weight loss was not the primary goal of this particular detox. And he seemed so pleased when I quickly and emphatically said that that was so not the reason for my interest. But that was before he called me fat
Ok. He didn't call me fat. Not directly. He said that my BMI number put me "just over the line for what is considered the healthy range". Oh know he didn't?! Anyway, he continued explaining how the detox would work:
- how I'd have to give up all the common allergy foods like wheat, corn, sugar, etc. (I can see my Whole Foods bill quadrupling)
- the special medical protein drink I would need to buy (Cha-ching, again!)
- the brief period I would have to give just about everything (It's only 6 days, says Jonah)
- no coffee for 28 days (Where's my purse)
It went a little longer, but I wasn't listening. I was still back on my BMI which was now fighting with no coffee for 28 days. Jonah wrapped up our session:
- So, do you think you're going to do the detox?
- Yup. I'm going to go home and read through the material and pick my day to start - I say with a big smile.
No I'm not. Forget the detox. I'm headed back to Weight Watchers. I already bought all the crap for that.
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Location:Dean St,Westwood,United States
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