Day 13: Open Letter to the Woman at Whole Foods

To the Woman Behind Me in Line at Whole Foods Yesterday:

To answer your question, "Yes, asshole, you do have too many items to be in the Express Lane." Of course, the young, bright-eyed, multi-pierced cashier was much kinder. "Well, the sign says 12 items or less and I don't know how many items you have in your cart," was a more tactful response. But for you to actually stand there and start counting your items. Out loud. Come ON. You know damn well that you have more than twelve items, and I know damn well that you have more than twelve items, and the cashier knows damn well that you have more that twelve items, so why don't you ask for want you really want: Permission and Absolution.

And why bother with the pretense of asking the question in the first place? Its clear that you are going to use the Express Lane regards of your item count, so just hike up your big girl panties and do it. No apologies. No charade. But I ask you this: If it starts at the Express Lane, where does it end? What if each one of us the Express Lane all decided too just bend the rules everywhere we went. I'm going to use the Fast Pass lane even though I don't have one. I'm going to park in the Handicap space because I'm only going to be a minute. And on it goes. Civilized society cannot function under these terms. It just can't!

So, in closing, here's a idea: If you're really unable to keep track of how items are accumulating in your cart, maybe you could shop with a piece of paper and make tick marks as you go. Or, better yet, there's probably an app for that. Otherwise, just stay out of the damn express lane and leave for decent, law abiding citizens. Like me.